I have to say this some where, i just dont think its right to shout it out or post it on some forum but i gotta do it...

My father died in the early hours this morning, he had been in and out of hospital for around 9 months, he lost loads of weight, he was roughly 5 stone, he become very lethargic. He contracted pneumonia and septicemia, and had a very minor stroke.
A couple of days ago things were looking good, they thought he might pull through but they were never too confident.

I feel really bad at the moment, i wasnt at the hospital when he passed away, i was supposed to see him today. My sister said that he went peacefully though, he didnt suffer. Although he was in alot of pain before, i didnt see him at all while he was in the hospital, which makes me feel even worse.
I was never really close to him, and when my brother told me i didnt know how i felt, it took a few hours for me to actually realise that he had gone, I still havent slept for over 24 hours now, my family are going to see him today, i dont think i will be able to hack it though...

Sorry, this is not the sort of stuff that goes into journals, but as i said, i've gotta get it off my chest.